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Why do I daydream?

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So, a little after 10:30 tonight I picked up a six-pack and five dollars worth of Super Lotto tickets from Rod’s Liquor, and in doing so realized that I was a pack of… Continue reading

Happy fucking 100 posts and shit, sons!

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This is a draft that Tyler had been sitting on for a long time. Being the narcissist that I am and because he was writing about something that I did, I’m posting it… Continue reading

Self Portraits Volume 2

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I’m Octopus Mike and I approve of this message. Kiss my ass.

How I See Obama and Romney

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  Actually Ruprecht could probably do a pretty decent job. Sure, he’s noticeably retarded but so was the guy in office before B-Rock, and he got to play freeze tag with his also-retarded… Continue reading

If you tell your kids they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up, you’re part of the problem.

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Actually scratch that…. If you have kids at all, period, you’re part of the problem. If your car was running on fumes, held together by duct tape with about 8 people crammed into… Continue reading

Hanging out with Tyler, some chick from the East Village and Forrest Gump himself.

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Tyler, the dude who some of you still believe is an alter ego* hit me up to go to a movie premier in LA. Well I did, and there was Hanks, DeVito, Tim… Continue reading

My Mom was super into Godspeed You! Black Emperor but now she hates them.

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The end section of East Hastings was a pretty gnarly letdown for her, so now she’s anti GY!BE. Suuuuuuuuuurrrrrre, Mom. You’ll totally be listening to them again in a week. Thats because I’m… Continue reading

In my next life I wanna be Forest Gump and get blowies from Smurfette.

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Buttholes (that one’s for you, Adam…that’s it though, all the other buttholes belong to me…..wait….hold on a second…not sure that came in my mouth I outlined my thoughts the way they sounded in… Continue reading

Pee on Your Feet, Motherfucker

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  Pee on Your Feet A new blog by Mike Apathy Octopus Mike Dorks, I just dropped some new hotness over at Pee on Your Feet. We discuss groundhogs making their nest inside of my… Continue reading