Part 1 of The Octopus Hamstring’s 2011 MLB Season Wrap-Up: AL & NL MVP’s or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

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  Friends,   Welcome to the 1st annual Octopus Hamstring MLB Season Wrap-Up!   First things first; I’d like to get the elephant out of the room…motherfucker just sits around eating peanuts and talking… Continue reading

There goes the season. Fuck. At least we’re not Astros fans, eh? Meh.

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Friends, This is going to be a quick one…just like my performance in bed most times I’m lucky enough to con the CDO into sex. I’m actually doing this post from my Blackberry,… Continue reading

Guest Contributor: Dubstep

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Wub wub, Wub wub wub. Wub. Wub wub wub wub wub wub! Wub wub, wub? Wub wub wub wub wub wub wub, wub wub wub. Wub. “Wub wub wub wub?” “Wub wub.” Wub… Continue reading

Octopus Links: How to Create A Sick System

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Friends, Raise your hands if any of you work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in a cubicle. Seriously…raise your hand.   First thing’s first. This isn’t an article on how… Continue reading

Weekend Music Recommendation: Trap Them Edition

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Friends, I’ve been in a metal/hardcore mood as of late. Like anyone else, I go through cycles…actually I think my metal/hardcore cycle is starting to evole into a post-rock/instrumental cycle, as evidenced by my recent… Continue reading

Saturday Golf w/ Stizzle…Charles Barkley…Constipation, etc…

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Friends, I’m only going to write a quick few paragraphs on this, as I don’t believe it warrants any more than that. Those who read my post yesterday, I’m writing this as a… Continue reading

Gay Sex!

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Friends, Did that headline catch your attention? Personally I’m wondering how many perverts are going to type “Gay Sex” into Google today and get really bummed out when they’re directed to the Hamstring.… Continue reading

There is no “I” in team. “Oh yeah? Well there ain’t no ‘we’ either.”

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Tyler, I don’t need you to do like Magic in the ’79 NBA Finals. I don’t need you to put up 82. I’m not asking you for your Willis Reed moment. Give me the ’91 Lakers. I’d… Continue reading

“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Randy Watson.”

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Friends, “Put your hands together for Mr. Randy Watson. Randy Watson everybody.” “Mr. RAAAAAANDY WAAAATSOON! Ha! Dat boy good!” Now obviously I don’t know, personally, the REAL Mr. Randy Watson (I have to… Continue reading

“Fuck you. Fuck you. You’re cool. I’m out of here.”

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  Friends,   Your boy, Mike Apathy, is on vacation. That’s right. I’m Chevy Muthafuckin’ Chase and George Dubya Bush all wrapped up in one right now.   “I’m goin’, goin’…back, back…to Cali, Cali…Ughh…”   Even… Continue reading