Author Archive

Hanging out with Tyler, some chick from the East Village and Forrest Gump himself.


Tyler, the dude who some of you still believe is an alter ego* hit me up to go to a movie premier in LA. Well I did, and there was Hanks, DeVito, Tim… Continue reading

My Mom was super into Godspeed You! Black Emperor but now she hates them.


The end section of East Hastings was a pretty gnarly letdown for her, so now she’s anti GY!BE. Suuuuuuuuuurrrrrre, Mom. You’ll totally be listening to them again in a week. Thats because I’m… Continue reading

In my next life I wanna be Forest Gump and get blowies from Smurfette.


Buttholes (that one’s for you, Adam…that’s it though, all the other buttholes belong to me…..wait….hold on a second…not sure that came in my mouth I outlined my thoughts the way they sounded in… Continue reading

Pee on Your Feet, Motherfucker


  Pee on Your Feet A new blog by Mike Apathy Octopus Mike Dorks, I just dropped some new hotness over at Pee on Your Feet. We discuss groundhogs making their nest inside of my… Continue reading

My Dog is a Rapist


This is why we shouldn’t let our kids listen to Eminem, Marylin MANSON and Elvis Presley records. This filth is poisoning the youth and turning them all into hedonistic, nihilistic, Godless sexual deviants.… Continue reading

Self Portraits by Mike Apathy


Just what the title says, Buttholes

Adult ADHD and Traveling at Light Speed


Do you honkies ever feel like you’re out of step or just a few behind all the time? I don’t mean like Minor Threat either…it’s different than that. Do you ever feel like… Continue reading

Goddamn Coneheads


I got a burrito outside on the patio and it was epic. Beldar wanted a bite, but I wouldn’t let him have one. Fuck that guy, why doesn’t he ever have his own… Continue reading

The Fight of the Century: Rumble in the Jungle


Ladies and assholes, I present to you the best of the best; modern day gladiators engaging in combat purely for my amusement. Ahh who am I kidding, this article is going to be… Continue reading

Hat Trick???


Hat trick? Technically yes. Even though this is just a bullshit post, auto-felating myself because I posted 3 updates in one night, it’s still a third post. Suck it, give me my bread.… Continue reading

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