Author Archive

Van Gough

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I am a Van Gough. I am a priceless Van Gough that I have covered up with black paint because I haven’t been able to recognize me for what I am. For whatever… Continue reading

Octopus Afficianado

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Note: Pretend this site looks classy all of a sudden….there’s a reason but its stupid. This is what the Hamstring should look like, but it doesn’t because we’re such brokedicks. I even gave… Continue reading

“The Ultimate Expression of Everything I Like About Horror Movies Inside a Themepark” as well as other Examples of Tyler being dumb….and also, I believed in Santa up until 6th grade

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*Disclaimer: If the title of this post is what enticed you to move forward, you’re in for a rude awakening. This post has jack shit nothing to do with any of that. Sorry… Continue reading

Dude, chill the fuck out.

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Why lately is it that every time I write something for this site I also happen to be squeezing shit from my Pillsbury in a public restroom? I’m at Starbucks in fucked up… Continue reading

…laughable….we, in thwe futre, will fail…I then ask why this will be?

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The following is the transcript of a conversation I had recently with a gentleman simply named, Styles. Yes. Like the van-driving, sunglasses-wearing other best friend (Boof being the other) of fucking Teen Wolf.… Continue reading

Permalink

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Self Portraits Volume 2

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I’m Octopus Mike and I approve of this message. Kiss my ass.

How I See Obama and Romney

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  Actually Ruprecht could probably do a pretty decent job. Sure, he’s noticeably retarded but so was the guy in office before B-Rock, and he got to play freeze tag with his also-retarded… Continue reading

If you tell your kids they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up, you’re part of the problem.

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Actually scratch that…. If you have kids at all, period, you’re part of the problem. If your car was running on fumes, held together by duct tape with about 8 people crammed into… Continue reading

Hanging out with Tyler, some chick from the East Village and Forrest Gump himself.

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Tyler, the dude who some of you still believe is an alter ego* hit me up to go to a movie premier in LA. Well I did, and there was Hanks, DeVito, Tim… Continue reading

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