Author Archive

My Ego’s Like My Stomach…


…it keeps shitting what I feed it. I haven’t written under this name in some time. It’s comforting to me in a way knowing that The Octopus Hamstring is still here…chillin…waiting for either… Continue reading

Party Naked in 2014


Friends, Music is my religion and I’m going to see the Pope in February. That being said, had my sperm-donor (dad) not had asthma, or my uncle on my mom’s side, or my… Continue reading

Boner’s Terrible Weekend


Friends, We haven’t posted anything fun in some time, so I thought it might be nice to tell a funny story (funny to this guy anyway)…you know like your creepy, bourbon-soaked grandfather used… Continue reading

Learning How to Fish


Friends, In his song I’m a Hustla Fiddy famously said, I’m the type to swallow my blood ‘fore I swallow my pride. Three things initially came to mind when I first heard this… Continue reading

Weeding Out the Weakest Links


Not hotlinks that lead to unreputable pornography sites. Not the cufflinks you thought would be funny to put in the microwave that one time. I’m not talking about a package of Jimmy Dean… Continue reading

What the Decendents referred to as ALL


Buttholes, Religion is bullshit. You know it, I know it, I’m not going to waste any of your time deconstructing the obvious reasons that support my opening statement. See, proof that I hold… Continue reading

Mike Apathy vs. The Volcano (And by Volcano I mean erectile dysfunction and unemployment.)


90%’ers, 1. Divorce 2. 90 Days of Good Clean Time 3. Continued Unemployment 4. The IRS 5. Writers’ Block 6. Ballin’ so Hard Muhfuggaz Tryna Find Me I wasn’t lying about the ED… Continue reading

2012 in review


The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog. Here’s an excerpt: 600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,100 views in… Continue reading

Texting Tyler and Other Horrible Ideas for the Title of Taylor Swift’s Next Shitfest of an Album


Mike: Just re-read the bro culture article. You’re right. That is pretty good. Octopus Mike needs to get back to his roots and off of the crazy. He needs Tyler to help too.… Continue reading

A late night/early morning email to Tyler from Mike Apathy


To: Tyler@gmail.bullshit From: Mike@aol.soundsaboutright Time: Stop, Hammer Dear Tyler, I see your Mullen and perverted Steven Hawking and raise you Wang Chung, Deerfuck Chopra and more perverted Steven Tony Hawking. Your belief in… Continue reading

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