What the Decendents referred to as ALL
Religion is bullshit. You know it, I know it, I’m not going to waste any of your time deconstructing the obvious reasons that support my opening statement. See, proof that I hold you, the loyal readers of the Hammy, in high esteem.
Something that I’m coming to accept though, is spirituality. I’m learning that religion and spirituality aren’t mutually exclusive, and furthermore that the word itself, “spirituality”, isn’t something to shit on as I’ve done for the better part of my life.
I’ve been talking sobriety on this website for about two years, but I’ve been lying my ass off. Yes, I haven’t had a drink, any powder or any opiates since July 5th 2011. But what I realized in sobriety was that I suffered from gnarly adult ADD (no joke…dead serious), and this was a perfect excuse to keep taking drugs, this time validated by legitimate health issues. I took my last adderall on November 27th of 2012. The max prescription that a doctor will write you is 3 30mg per day at the HIGH end. By the time I stopped I was taking around 15 30mg daily, and I was losing my mind.
The reason I outline this is to paint a picture of the very short time I’ve had with a clear sense of myself and the world around me. I just celebrated my 90 days and I’m truly grateful for every moment.
Something that I’m seeing for the first time in life are signs.
Swing away, Merrill. Swing away.
I love that movie, but I’m not talking anti-Semites and hair-lips. I’m talking the real deal. What I’ve also been realizing is that they’re around us always, little reminders/reality checks to let us know that we’re on or off the track as it is before us.
Brace yourself for some crazy (but its not crazy…I’m a fucking genius and if its a little hard for you to grasp it’s because I’m all Good Will Hunting up in this beeyeyeitch. You like apples? Fuck yeah I like apples, Fuckface, they’re delicious…):
We are all made up of the same building blocks. At our most basic, stripped down stasis we are just energy. Everything is energy at its core. It’s a scientific fact that energy does not, and will not ever die. To me this is indicative of something larger. What ever this may be, I’m certain I can’t even begin to sniff what it’s all about. People want to call it God, Allah, Christ, etc. fucking let ’em. They’re missing the point, and they’re selling it short.
If energy never dies, and everything that is and will ever be is energy at its core then there is a oneness, or as Milo Aukerman sings to us, an ALL. The signs are the ALL’s way of raining in different energies into places where it can be of more value, and to help dimming energies shine brighter.
What this means to me is that, basically, life is fucking beautiful. I no longer feel like I need to be perfect. We all know perfection is a wild goose chase, yet we dedicate our lives to falling short of it, and this in turn creates denial, addiction, resentment, regret and fear.
My new employee, Marilyn, has helped me reach a lot of these realizations and because of this, I think of her as my hero. That chick deserves a raise…maybe a floating holiday…a fucking pizza party or something.
In a future post I might talk about some of the signs, specifically, that I’ve seen. But it doesn’t matter really. I see them everywhere now. And when I do, I feel like I’m in the center if some kind of cosmic hug; warm, peaceful, free, small, open, etc, and it makes me feel better than anything I’ve ever smoked, snorted or swallowed ever has. It makes me feel like somehow, some way, everything is going to be okay. And THAT, is what it’s all about. That and Marilyn’s uninhibited and open minded ideas regarding sex.
-Mike Not Too Apathtic At This Point, Blerfffff