Tyler’s Corner- Cake Fingers.


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Sometimes in life, often when you least expect it, all it takes is a split second moment, a flash, to shake you from the cycle of denial and reassurance that’s carried you through every day since you were 23. These moments, when profound, can provide the clarity required to effectively pick up the broken pieces and move forward with your life, in search of a way to put things back together for real.

Just over an hour ago I was taking a poop in my bathroom when something extraordinary occurred to me. I dropped what felt like a normal sized, shaped, and formed chocolate submarine in the Great Sea of Toto, and then readied 4 squares of Angel Soft to get rid of the ickies, but when I brought the toilet paper back up for viewing in order to asses the damage, what I saw shocked me. There were brown streaks in places there shouldn’t be. Typically, there’s a good chunk of the brown right in the center, right where the fingers apply the pressure. What I held in my hand, however, was reminiscent of a Rorschach. I immediately panicked for fear of not knowing what to do next. It was like trench warfare. My enemy had eluded me and all strategy was thus futile.

– Tyler

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