Hallucinations….but not the cool kind.


Figured since I reference Mike in this one, this pic would be somewhat appropriate. That’s where the similarities end though. Read on. Find out for yourself, you lazy prick.

So my ADD meds have made me a little nuts. Apparently you’re not supposed to take 4 times your daily prescribed dosage. Adderall is a sinister motherfucker and it creeped up on me in a big way. I sincerely believe there’s definitely a place for it in modern medicine; it works wonders in many legit situations. But lets face it. A little over a year ago my breakfast consisted of snorting a line or two of coke (if I could control myself enough the night prior to ensure that I’d still have some), eat a handful of norcos or an OxyContin or two and wash it down with Jack Daniels or some beer, whichever I had available. Deciding to take speed for a problem that was only “thiiiiiiis” big in comparison to a potential one “THIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS” big might not have been the best idea in retrospect.

Well guys…..you know what they say about hindsight? Make like a tree and beat it. That’s what I’m sayin. Beat it. Billie Jean and Thriller, too. Love those records so much. Damn MJ used to kill it?

Where were we?

What are you saying about hallucinations, Mike…or Ryan if you’re actually owning your shit on this site now, or whatever the fuck you’re going by these days?

Thanks for asking…..even if it was a tad dickish…meaning, the way you had to throw the name jab in there. Remove the space between the words name and jab, capitalize the N and you got a rock solid Indian name for a baby boy. Have at it Patel families looking for a name for their upcoming bundle of joy and stress and poop. You’re welcome. Namejab Patel. Bitchin.

The ghosts of my adderall hallucinations are haunting the fuck out of me right now even though I haven’t had one in about 14 days. Because I’m kind of a darker-thinking dude to begin with, the drugs allowed my subconscious to go hogwild on me.


1. Ryan 2. Ryan 2 started to show up after I relieved Mr. Skull of his counter-spy duties. We’ll get into that later. Ryan 2 is/was my exact doppelgänger only slightly more pale, more ragged looking and he had jetblack eyes…think horror movie contact lenses. Creepiest thing I’ve ever seen or have ever even thought of. Looked like a demon out of one of those flash-cut scenes in Event Horizon. Fuck me.

He had a habit of doing that “cock the head to the side thing” that Michael Myers would always do after stabbing someone with a butchers knife. He only spoke in whispers. He appeared to me as real as my dick appears to me when I masturbate. I know he wasn’t there, but it doesn’t change that the memory of him is very, very real. I’d be taking a shit on the toilet (hopefully the toilet), I’d glance up and see him in the mirror standing right next to me, staring at me into my eyes doing the creepy head cocking thing, whispering something about knives or other demons that he had seen nearby. It got to the point where I even brought a chair into the bathroom because I wanted to be be a good host. Figured since I was sitting, rhymes with shitting for you illiterates out there who have somehow made it this far into the article, he ought to at least have the option to do the same…..sit, not shit. Although…..kinda puts a whole new meaning to the term “ghost shit” doesn’t it? Either way, ghost shits or not, I wanted to be polite. Never once though, did I ask him why he enjoyed sneaking up on me while I was taking shits. If I’m gonna go out of my way to be a good host, fuck demonic Ryan 2 for being a rude shit-peeper. That’s just weird.

That’s all the crazy I got in me right now. Gonna try to get back to being too afraid to sleep. Wish me luck. I’m actually being serious. :/

-Ryan Mike Octopus Blerf Apathy Motteram