Octopus Afficianado


Note: Pretend this site looks classy all of a sudden….there’s a reason but its stupid.

This is what the Hamstring should look like, but it doesn’t because we’re such brokedicks. I even gave it a classier name. Too bad I couldn’t get Demi Moore in her younger, short-haired phase, dressed in a business suit smoking an octopus to pose for the header image.

How in the fuck do you smoke an octopus, Mike?

Fuck you, that’s how.

Short-haired Demi Moore in a business suit can smoke whatever she wants….too bad that turned out to be Kutcher’s dick. I wonder if Ashton Kutcher’s dick makes the same retarded facial expressions that he does? You know the one I’m talking about. I wonder if Ashton Kutcher’s dick ever punk’d Wilmer Valderama’s dick. probably the opposite….I heard that Fez is hung like Marky Mark in Booger Nights. Speaking of dicks there’s a guy I know where the running gag is that his dick is actually a grouchy old man that never wants to do anything but sit on the couch and be grouchy. There’s a voice we do and everything. He hates that shit, really lets it get under his skin. I figure he’s got it pretty lax when you consider there’s another guy we know who was referred to as the Gay Vulture for the better part of the last 10-12 years until about a year or so ago he pretty much just snapped and told everyone to fuck off, my name is not the fucking Gay Vulture! Pretty sure we can start calling him that again though. It’s been at least a year, I mean what the fuck right?

Where were we? We covered octopus smoking, dicks, Fez, short-haired Demi Moore, etc…

This Zap website creator app is pretty badass by the way. WordPress can wipe my ass. Actually I wish they would come out to Casa de Los Apathy and wipe my ass because this just happened (Pic after I’m done writing). As if my life couldn’t be any more of a second rate Ben Stiller movie. I can’t stand that bastard. He sucked in Reality Bites and he sucked even worse in Gladiator. How does that schmuck get work?! If anybody knows Ben Stiller tell him to get his monkey ass over here with some Charmin STAT. He owes me that much for the Focker movies. Don’t even get me started on DiNiro’s stupid I forgot I’m a world class actor and no amount of…should I…not too sure….just do it who gives a shit, nobody reads this crap anyway…yeah you’re probably right…okay, here goes nothing…DiNIRO is enough to justify putting your name on this dreck stupid face.

I seriously have no idea what the fuck Im going to do……I’d tell my worthless dog to go to the store and pick up some TP but you know his ADD ass would just use the money to buy an ice cream or something. That bitch Lassie wouldn’t though. She saved that shit for brains Timmy how many times falling down the well? I got an idea: All men were handy fix-it types back in the 1700’s when that stupid show had its run right? Build the well a goddamned cover or fucking tie that idiot to a tree or something. It’s safe to assume that in the this alternate reality where it’s the kid who should be tied to a tree so HE doesn’t jump into a well it would be okay to take that little fucker out back and shoot him….even make Lassie pul the trigger…tell that bitch her human kid friend is too stupid and he’s costing the town tax dollars for all the emergency police reports files when nobody knows where the fuck that little well-dwelling shithead is. NEWSFLASH ASSHOLES, he’s in the fucking well like he always is, probably sucking off a Morlock. Idiots.

Now how the fuck am I going to wipe my ass?


Yours Truly,