The Fight of the Century: Rumble in the Jungle


Ladies and assholes, I present to you the best of the best; modern day gladiators engaging in combat purely for my amusement.

Ahh who am I kidding, this article is going to be nothing more than two dorks arguing over subjective irrelevance. But dammit, its OUR irrelevance and I’m proud to have at least a claim to that….cuz I sure as shit can’t really claim much else aside from incompetence, or my farts after I’m done naming them. Hey everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Jeff…..  My most recent fart’s name is Jeff. Here’s a picture:

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Jeff is an orchestra conductor….well he was yesterday anyway. That was right before he was a cowboy and then an astronaut, etc. I’m pretty sure tomorrow he gets to be a fireman. Fuck Jeff. Perfect exciting life-having motherfucker. You smell like shit Jeff, FYI.

It will come as no surprise that Tyler and myself are drum and bass enthusiasts. We have been for some time now. Interestingly enough it was Tyler who introduced me to it during our late teens/early 20’s and I’m the one who actively seeks it out and regularly listens to it presently. Not that he’s over it, quite the contrary… He doesn’t have the time because he’s preoccupied with going to Strung Out* shows every weekend in LA and Orange County, where they still have a dwindling fan base. They don’t tour anymore because,

A. They fucking hate each other

And

B. The rest of the punk rock community finally realized as I did years ago, that they kinda suck even if they are still kinda good and that Twisted by Design was the last decent album they put out….which was back in 1947.

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Grow up, dickshitters.

*To Jason Cruz’s credit he did start a side project not long ago called the Howl who fucking kick ass and are one of the best straight-up rock and roll bands in the area today, hands down. They throw in a ridiculously good Op Ivy cover into their set too, which wins them Apathy Points. 100 Apathy Points and you win Cancer. Something to shoot for, definitely.

So, I might be getting a little off topic here, but really, who the fuck cares? No, tell me….. I’d like to know who the fuck cares. Cari’s literature professor probably, but that’s the only person who I can think of…… No, really, it’s the only person I can think of… I forgot my wife’s name, I don’t have any friends and I live in a one bedroom shack in Appalachia with no cable tv or Internet. I’m not sure why I can only think of Cari’s literature professor then…Or figure out who keeps updating this site claiming to be me. Fucking city people with their fancy Internet and indoor toilets. They can all burn in hell.

Something about Drum and Bass….

I’m tired and I have a possum to cook, so the actual article I was going to write before all this happened will come later. Don’t ask when. Since it was a fight analogy in the posts title think of this like Rocky 1; We fought hard, but ultimately got the shit kicked out of us. But we earned Carl Weathers’ respect in the process, and by the time we get to part 3, not only will we have an Oscar on our mantles but we’ll have a robot serving us drinks and a coattail riding old drunk getting us into debt. Sounds bitchin.

Peace Out,

Reverend Mike Apathy (yeah that’s right, I do weddings… So says the Universal Life Online Church)

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