2013


"Dude. Woody Harrelson. We gotta find a limo, STAT, so we can outrun the end of the world. Oh yeah, but if we make it, the Houston Astros are gonna play in the American League West."

"Holy shit that's awesome!!! But what the hell is that 14 doing, just floating there?!?!?!?!"

Friends,

If the Mayans and John Cusack are wrong, and if the world doesn’t come to an end next year……

If you don’t find yourself in a totally realistic “End of Days” situation like…say…outruning a dark chasm (love that word, don’t get to use it enough), swallowing everything in its path, in a limo, you’re gonna be stoked.

In 2013 the Houston Astros will be playing in the American League West, finally evening up the number of teams that play in each division and in each league. The media can’t shit on the Angels anymore when we win, saying we had it easy because we only had to beat out 3 other teams to secure their playoff spot.

Actually……it’s the Astros joining our division, not the Red Sox, so you can scratch that last part. It should still be, at its core, a two-team division.

Either way, welcome to the AL West, Suckers.

Hamstring readers, baseball fans…you know the Mariners are stoked at the prospect of not being the division’s doormat anymore. I’m going to end this short article with a quote from Seattle Mariner, Jack Cust, in response to the AL West’s new addition:

(I’m paraphrasing here, I don’t remember exactly where I read this.)

Jack Cust: “I think it’s a great thing. When I played for the Rangers, we got to play in Minute Maid Park during Interleague, and the ball flies everywhere there…the total opposite of SafeCo in Seattle.”

Speaking of Minute Maid Park in Houston...who remembers this one? SO GOOD.

 

If Minute Maid Park can create more extra base hits for Anaheim’s below-average offense, I’m all in. Looks like we’re finally gonna get that Batting Title out of Howie Kendrick.

No pressure, Howie. No pressure.

For Tyler and the 2013 AL West’s 5th place Astros,

This is Mike Apathy signing off.

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