Friends of the Hamstring: Phat B Edition “Rex Ryan is a Bloated Piece of Shit”


How I shamelessly imagine our readers...

 

Friends,

 
Reader and friend-of-the-Hamstring, Phat B from Orange County California, has cracked me up lately. The following are un-doctored excerpts from recent back-and-forth’s with Phat B:
 
Last Monday in reference to Monday Night Football 10/3/11:
Mike Apathy: “Wow. MNF. What a barn-burner. TB? Indy? Meh.”
Phat B: “I took the liberty of forwarding your text to ESPN and their parent company ABC. I’m sure they value and appreciate your input, and will enact the changes necessary to regain your trust.”
MA: “Don’t sleep on Hamstring Sports, Man. Fox and ESPN sees us as the up-and-comers that we are.”
PB: “Yeah, I’m sure they’ve got Morrissey on the phone right now to replace Hank Williams Jr.”
MA: “Moz knows sports. Don’t sleep on him either.”
PB: “Unlike Morrissey, I don’t sleep on men. His mattress is just a pile of naked, hairless Hispanic boys.”
 

What I'd happily settle for...

 
Today, during Game 1 of the NLCS, St. Louis Cardinals at Milwaukee Brewers 10/9/11:
Mike Apathy: “Zach Greinke looks a little bit like Andrei Kirilenko.”
Phat B: “Sunday is for football and Jesus. Please take your texts elsewhere, unless you want to talk about what a bloated piece of shit Rex Ryan is.”
MA: “Ha!”
PB: “I’m gonna follow-up this Jets/Pats game with Drew Rosenhaus on 60 Minutes for a completely hate-filled day.”
 

More realistically...

Love it.
 
For Tyler and Phat B,
 
This is Mike Apathy signing off.
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