“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Randy Watson.”


“Put your hands together for Mr. Randy Watson. Randy Watson everybody.”

“Mr. RAAAAAANDY WAAAATSOON! Ha! Dat boy good!”

Now obviously I don’t know, personally, the REAL Mr. Randy Watson (I have to settle for some broke-ass, Busch League, shit-bow’ing imposter motherfucker…more on that shortly). In fact, very few people actually do. Sure, there have been sightings at various YMCA’s, State Fairs and Truck Stops, but for the most part, like many others categorized “Geniuses”, he likes to keep to himself mostly…mostly.

Like J.D. Salinger before him, Watson assumed the life of a hermit. A nomad. A wanderer. We might not be conscious of this all the time, but it’s hard for a man of such accomplishment to intermingle with common-folk like you and me. Here’s a little-known fact about the man that you may not have heard about:

Prince, “The Purple One”, originally tried to secure Mr. Randy Watson to play the roll of Morris in Purple Rain (which coincidentally made a star out of Morris Day himself). Prince was so aggressive in his pursuit of the man he wanted, that he was willing to give Watson co-producing credits and back-end royalties on VHS and BETA sales (this type of deal was unheard of in Hollywood for its time, and wouldn’t be touched upon again until the late 90’s when Detective Johnny Utah wrote in back-end DVD sales in his, “The Matrix”, comp package). Despite this highly generous offer, Randy was stuck in his tracks on one very specific, if not somewhat eccentric, issue. Apparently the nail in the coffin was a dispute over the movie’s working title, “Purple Rain.” As you have more than likely already figured out, Randy is known for his own signature color, Powder Blue, which he felt would be a better representation of the screenplay. After coming unbelievably close to compromising his vision, Prince finally decided that he couldn’t concede to naming HIS film, “Powder Blue Rain.” So with a heavy heart, and much to Morris Day’s delight, Prince settled on his second choice for the role, and the rest is…well…history.

Let’s get down to brass tacks here. There’s a reason why I’ve felt I needed to share the above story. One, because its fucking entertaining, and two, because I couldn’t think of a better way to introduce
my friend, Randy Watson, to the readers of the Hamstring. Since Tyler and I have been running this site we’ve both really fancied the notion of the “guest contributor.” We had one…Hobson St. Berdhaus on
day one, when we went live. With all respect to Hobson, you guys (and you know who you all are) suck. A very select few have been approached with promises of internet superstardom in return for a lousy
article or two. One person stepped up. Fuckin’ whoopee.

Well folks, I (not really sure if Tyler has even thrown it out there…probably not. it doesn’t really seem like his style anyways) finally conned some poor sap into writing some guest pieces for the Octopus
Hamstring. I, again this is all Mike Apathy here, could not be more proud to bring you Mr. Randy Watson. As for exactly what he’ll be contributing, I really couldn’t say. Actually, I really don’t care either.
Randy’s a bad motherfucker, and whatever he decides to do with his blank canvas will probably be mind-blowing. No pressure, Rookie. No pressure.

Alright Randy. Bless us. The ball is in your court.

For Tyler, Mr. Randy Watson and the Purple One,

This is Mike Apathy signing off.