Turn on the idiot box NOOOOWWWW!

Stupid TV is stupid.


My good friend, Tyler, is anti-television. His stance toward programming that doesn’t fall into one of the following categories is quite negative and rigid:

  • Documentaries
  • Indie Cinema
  • The News
  • Skateboarding (videos only, X-Games is too corporate)
  • Music Programming
  • Pornography

This viewpoint doesn’t allow for sitcoms, sports or really much else for that matter. His stance is thus, and I’m paraphrasing what I imagine he would say, as I posses no real documentation from any one specific conversation, just random bits and pieces converging inside of my brain:

“TV makes you stupid.”


Profound, right? No. Really. He says the same things that I’ve heard over and over, a million times before, from tons of different writers, journalists and thinkers:

The constant barrage of mind-numbing stimuli, corny dialogue, advertisements and sports, over time, makes one less interesting, less knowledgable on topics that actually matter and generally just duller in general (and, I’m not even getting into the more serious health concerns, both physical and mental). Why sacrifice our blood to the “idol” when one could settle down in their breakfast nook or private study (undoubtedly housing many leather-bound books and smelling of rich mahogany. In the meantime, I’ll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper…and some cheese), and immerse themselves deep into the philosophical world of Kant, the epigrams of Oscar Wilde or the groundbreaking social commentary of a Stephenie Meyer novel?

Nice job, Jethro. Have a cookie.

See that dude above? While I don’t advocate judging a book by its cover, often times stereotypes exist for a reason. Jethro watches a ton of TV, I’d guarantee it. Probably doesn’t read much either. At the same time, this man, more than likely, lives a much simpler and possibly happier life. Cartoons in the morning. Porn in the afternoon while the little woman is at work. Two and a Half Men around dinner time. A Larry the Cable Guy comedy after that. And to finish off the day, maybe some Sportscenter on ESPN. I’m sure there’s some Bill ‘O Reilly tucked away in there somewhere, too.
This wouldn’t seem to be a very enlightened life, but that’s a choice. A conscious one. Now while Tyler and Jethro are Polar opposites, I’m more of a, to use political nomenclature, a moderate. I like to think that I’ve found a balance in my daily consumption of televised media. Balance is one of the most important ingredient of life, just ask Buddha, Gandhi or Philippe Pettit, the Frenchman who walked the tight rope from one Twin Tower across to the next, at ridiculously high altitude, back in the 70’s. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that its no different here either. Well…aside from the possibility of falling 100 stories down to your gruesome death in front of the whole world.
If I am to be chastised by pseudo-intellectual college-types to make themselves feel superior, than so be it.
Actually…no one’s ever really chastised me about this. I guess this whole excercise was kind of pointless. Meh.
And speaking of microwaves…the stupid Angels have dropped two out of three so far on this away series in Seattle. Yes, the historically BAD Seattle whom we share a division with. Going for the series tie tonight, along with a Rangers loss in Tampa Bay, and we’re in business. Either way, we’re wasted a golden opportunity to gain some valuable ground. Tighten your screws dammit! On the bright side, top-rated rookie, Mike Trout, is playing like a young Grady Sizemore. I am literally turned on by this kid’s potential.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work, so I can make the big bucks, to make sure that the CDO’s feet bare fashionable shoes at all times.
For Tyler, Jethro, Mike Trout and the CDO,
This is Mike Apathy signing off.