Tyler’s post the other day, “A Brief History of Mike”, got me feeling all nostalgic and gooey inside. Those were the days let me tell you. Those were the days.
I seem to remember (sometimes fondly, sometimes not) lots of stories that could be thought of as similar. Not all of them involve bodily functions, or desecrating friends’ personal property, but most of them definitely start the same way:
This one time, we were hammered. This one time, after we scored some drugs, etc…
See a pattern? Tyler mentioned, if briefly, Chapman University in his epic tale. Many of the stories, that may end up public domain on this site, stem from the Chapman University connection. Because I think you’ll find this humorous, I’ll explain.
Many, many, many moons ago when I was aged 19 and had just discovered ecstasy, I was lounging around with nothing to do. I was hanging out with a girl who I was seeing at the time, as well as one other friend. We were looking for some trouble to get into when the girlfriend heard from a friend of hers who was hanging out with some college kids* at an off-campus apartment. We were invited to cruise over.
*I didn’t have a whole lot in common with college-folk at the time due to my largely anti-establishment points of view, and my general laziness when it came to work or study. I always used to look at college kids with a certain overall suspicion as a result of these feelings.
We picked up some beer (at our local “doesn’t card teenagers” spot…I’m sure every town had one) and headed over. Whatsherface knocked on the door, and the guy who her friend was talking to answered the door. Within seconds we’re exchanging pleasantries and opening beers. So far, so good. I regretfully admit that I was right smack-dab in the middle of my (brief) Dave Matthews phase, and they had some chillax, cool bro DMB jamz on the stereo, so I thought they were legit right off the bat. Within 5 minute’s time, their leader, Lewis, asked me if I wanted to buy some E. Well how do ya do! Of course I did. We all did! Fast forward a couple of months after Whatsherface dumped me (I was 20 by this time), and I’m still hanging out with these guys and their circle of Chapman friends, on a regular basis. By this time I had started to sell…ahem…things as well, so it was a perfect marriage.
As these folks turned into legitimate friends, and I wanted to spread my wings a little, the perfect storm brewed. One of these guys, who I’m still in contact with, so lets call him Stoney, was from Oregon. He and his roommate shared a first floor dorm room in Chapman’s very upscale, Pralle Sedaro building. Not long after, Stoney’s roommate decided he couldn’t handle college life anymore (maybe this had something to do with the time I made them both stay up all night, taking acid, right before a final), so he moved out…leaving Stoney with a two person dorm room all by himself. I swear the signs were everywhere. I should’ve known I’d end up in sales. But I digress… I talked Stoney into letting me move in and selling my wares out of his room on campus. The idea was if college kids with expendable income are the majority of the clientelle, why not take the candy store directly to the kids?
The trade-off I negotiated was brilliant…for me. I’d buy Stoney one six pack of good beer per week (which I, would in turn, help him drink), and keep him good and fucked up for free. Beautiful right? I thought so. And so began my four-month stay at Chapman University. On top of it all, Stoney and I decided it was a good idea to have Tyler come and live with us about a month into it. Queue the madness.
Many of the stories that you will read from this point forward, are from this three to six month period. I guess, more than anything, I wanted to share a little about Tyler’s and my background. I look forward to sharing with you the story of how campus security got wise to us and forced us out under threat of prosecution. I look forward to outlining, in detail, all of the debauchery that took place leading up to that event as well.
Before this blog was even a random idea in our heads, we were already planning for it. Didn’t Jesus say, “Before you were a gleam in your parents’ eyes (or something to this effect), I knew you?” Yeah…it’s something like that.
This is Mike Apathy signing off.