Putting “The Lost Boys” into a historical perspective. “Part 1”


We all know that vampires are the new black, right? Twilight movies, True Blood, a remake in the works of Fright Night (the original was such a fantastic film for its time, and I do think it’s held up quite well), etc… Hell, some studio even made an “Another Teen Movie-type” spoof on the Twilight films called Vampires Suck.

I can understand why people are attracted to the idea of vampires; romance, power, rebellion, immortality. We’ve always, as a species, been obsessed with vampires, how to become them, or how to kill them.

See that up above? That’s what religious kooks used to carry around with them back in the early days of the colonies, and in Victorian England. If I were a vampire in 1820, and was woken up out of a deep sleep to see Van Helsing opening one of these over my coffin? Well…I’d definitely do something. Try not to get a wooden stake through the heart probably…

It is, however, a fact that we’ve been spinning different variations of the same story since the days of Vlad “Dracula” the Impaler Tepes III (portrait below) in the 1400’s.

Anyway, this isn’t the point of the article. Lets get down to it, shall we?

Last night my wife and I went to dinner with her sister and her sister’s boyfriend. Lets just call the guy “Stizzle” for simplicity’s sake. I actually have known, and have been friends with Stizzle long before I ever met my wife; he’s like a brother to me. After knowing him for as long as I have, and thinking that we’ve shared just about every intimate detail of our lives with each other, frankly, I discovered some shocking news.

Stizzle has never seen The Lost Boys. He’s my age, 32. I have never met anyone my age who has not, or to some extent, claimed to have grown up with the movie, The Lost Boys. I mean…this has no precedent. It really got me thinking. Are we as a society living a lie? I mean, could there be 32-year olds out there that have never seen Star Wars (well…the CDO hasn’t, but for some reason she gets a pass)?

I also started pondering the following idea: If one had never seen/grew up with/loved The Lost Boys when it originally came out in 1987 when they were 8, would they , or could they enjoy it today, with the same lack of cynicism that I did as a child?

My initial thought, after really thinking hard for a sec, was of course he’d like it. We have similar taste in movies and this cannot be debated. If a piece of art is good enough to sustain itself over the years, which I believe The Lost Boys has, it’s a no-brainer right?

Well, after more pontificating, I’m not so sure. Without giving away too many plot details, or additional info, I’m just not sure anymore. The thing that really stands out about this movie is how it, to a tee, defines the decade in which it was released. The clothes, the vernacular used, the Coreys: Haim and Feldman, the popular music of the day, etc. Remember this song???

Here’s the plan, and this will explain why this is a two-part article. I’m going to sit down with Stizzle and watch the movie with him. I’m going to do something similar to what Bill Simmons (espn.com/grantland.com) does on NBA draft day. I’m going to keep a running diary, and log down his reactions to certain scenes.

The idea scares me a little, because potentially he could hate it, shed new light on certain parts of the film that I hadn’t thought of, and ruin the movie for me forever.

I suppose…that in the name of science boredom…this is a risk that’s worth taking. Knowledge…perspective…definitive information on a completely subjective topic. THIS is what it’s all about, folks. Maybe I can get a grant from Princeton. They must have an Art-of-Bullshitting Department right? Don’t all colleges/universities? (really using the hell out of ellipses in this last paragraph…)

The sit down with Stizzle to watch the Lost Boys will happen this week sometime. I’ve already discussed my idea with him, and he’s game, so we’re good there. We haven’t set a time yet, but it will happen soon. I guarantee it. I really hope that when this project is done, we can reflect on ourselves and say that we learned something tangible and worthwhile about the historical cannon of The Lost Boys.

I mean really…think about it for a minute. Loyal readers of the Hamstring that share my age group: Have you EVER met a peer who hasn’t seen this movie?

I can only imagine the look on his face when he sees “Greasy Sax-Dude” rock out with his cock out on the boardwalk…. Fuck.

The 80's definitely lacked a certain sense of self-awareness...or irony, if you will.

Just this once…For Stizzle, Mike Apathy signing off.