The Deserted Island Game


Friends,

I already broke my Shabbos, so what the hell. “The Morrissey Paradox” is still coming next week, but I thought this might be fun in the meantime.

I’m sure we’ve all played this game at least one time in our lives; its cliche, old and used up. On the other hand, by asking “What 5 albums would you take with you if you were going to be stranded on a deserted island?” sheds a helluva lot more light on a person than asking the generic “What kind of music do you like?” So, in an attempt to open up to the loyal readers of the Hamstring, you’ll see mine.

Note: I have to give my wife, the CDO, credit for giving me the idea for this post. It was actually discussed the other day in the car, on our way to buy that damned Wii.

So without further adieu, I’ll do my very best to list the records that I would truly want with me, not what I think would sound cool to the bearded, tight pants-wearing Williamsburg/Silverlake, trust-fund hipster set.

  1. Siamese Dream (Smashing Pumpkins) – “Oh but Pavement was SOOOOOOO much better.” Bullshit (suck it Pitchfork). I know Billy Corgan is an insufferable douchebag control freak, but fuckin’ A, Man…The guitars on this album are out of this world (tell me the guitar solo from Soma @ 4:28 doesn’t give you chills). This album is just plain and simply, a deeply romantic and sensitive (but in a way, tough at the same time) rock and roll record. It seems every few years go by and he plops out some kind of steaming turd or another, but I don’t care. The man gets a pass because he made Siamese Dream.* 
  2. Dear You (Jawbreaker) – This album changed the way I looked at punk rock. For a lot of folks I’m sure that band might have been Fugazi, Husker Du, etc…but for me it was this record. Jawbreaker taught me that it didn’t have to be super fast tempos, with nihilist lyrics. Wait, what?! Punk rock can be literary and poetic? Interestingly enough, this was their last album, obviously more polished then their earlier efforts, and it alienated a ton of their fans for being too mainstream sounding. Maybe I’m lame, or not cool, but I own the entire Jawbreaker catalog (yeah, I know, a cookie for me), and this is my favorite with Unfun coming in at a reasonably close 2nd.
  3. Greatest Hits (Rolling Stones) – Do I really even need to explain this one? Tyler would say I’m lame for selecting a greatest hits comp over an actual album, but I don’t give a shit. The whole point of this post was honesty, right? Give me the fucking hits. Period. 
  4. Mania! (Ramones) – Again, another greatest hits compilation. Listen man…I already have just about every Ramones album by themselves anyway, but remember…I’m on a deserted motherfucking island, and swashbuckling Johnny Depp isn’t coming to rescue me, because remember, my tits aren’t big enough and I don’t have any rum. 
  5. My iPod. If you can suspend your disbelief long enough to hypothesize about actually being deserted on a tropical Island off the coast of Bum-Fuck Nowhere, then you can suspend your disbelief twice, and let me bring my iPod along with unlimited power. That’s right, Baby. I just asked the genie for more wishes.
*The same goes for Michael Jackson. He gets a pass, too. To paraphrase the great Dave Chappelle, “Mike made Thriller. THRILLER, SON.”
Well that’s about all I have left in my tank for today.
Hopefully the God of Lethargy doesn’t smite me or something.
Have a bitchin’ summer K.I.T.,
Mike Apathy
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