My Ego’s Like My Stomach…


…it keeps shitting what I feed it. I haven’t written under this name in some time. It’s comforting to me in a way knowing that The Octopus Hamstring is still here…chillin…waiting for either… Continue reading

Party Naked in 2014


Friends, Music is my religion and I’m going to see the Pope in February. That being said, had my sperm-donor (dad) not had asthma, or my uncle on my mom’s side, or my… Continue reading

Boner’s Terrible Weekend


Friends, We haven’t posted anything fun in some time, so I thought it might be nice to tell a funny story (funny to this guy anyway)…you know like your creepy, bourbon-soaked grandfather used… Continue reading

Learning How to Fish


Friends, In his song I’m a Hustla Fiddy famously said, I’m the type to swallow my blood ‘fore I swallow my pride. Three things initially came to mind when I first heard this… Continue reading

Weeding Out the Weakest Links


Not hotlinks that lead to unreputable pornography sites. Not the cufflinks you thought would be funny to put in the microwave that one time. I’m not talking about a package of Jimmy Dean… Continue reading

If peeing your pants makes you cool, I’m Miles Davis…


Listening to jazz while I drive is probably one of the coolest things I do. It’s an escape from my mundane, white, jaded, stuffy reality. For 20-60 minutes a day I get to… Continue reading

Hey bro, do you even lift?


Recently, there have been moments where I wonder what the hell I’m doing with myself. Today, after strapping on a 15 pound dip belt and knocking out 15 pull-ups in my door jamb,… Continue reading

Tyler’s Corner- Cake Fingers.


Sometimes in life, often when you least expect it, all it takes is a split second moment, a flash, to shake you from the cycle of denial and reassurance that’s carried you through… Continue reading

What the Decendents referred to as ALL


Buttholes, Religion is bullshit. You know it, I know it, I’m not going to waste any of your time deconstructing the obvious reasons that support my opening statement. See, proof that I hold… Continue reading

Fuck you, Cancer. I made you my bitch.


You always think it couldn’t happen to you. That you’re somehow immune. That happens to other people, not you. Then the day comes and you realize you’re not so special, it can happen… Continue reading

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